Being squished by two options.
An idea of what to do when a decision is getting heavier and heavier to decide.
Do you ever get this feeling that you are slowly being squished by two options from both sides and have a really hard time picking one?
Like you find a something to fear on both of them. It’s slowly getting harder and harder to pick and the options, fear grows, and the decision is getting heavier, and more consequential.
The only thing you usually want then is to not make any decision at all. Which make sense after being squished.
My coward solution, that I sometimes result to, is to wait till one of the options disappears. The trains leave the station or someone goes away. I just avoid the decision by: “Hey I couldn’t do it even if I want to,” solution.
Even though you feel a bit of relieve, but then there is this emotional afterglow that I really don’t enjoy. “Did I choose the good one. Why didn’t you pick one?” All the regrets, worries and guilt pilling on top of each other. Absurdly, sometimes the option I no longer have becomes the one I “should” picked.
What I found out helps is to pick one, whatever of them it is and then do it. You would feel if it’s the good one or not.
I practiced it a lot when walking for a long distance. You pick one route and you’ll just go. You would feel if that route is the wrong one or not. You turn around and go back if needed. Like with each step you would feel more at peace or otherwise more and more resistant.
That’s a tactic that I used.
When deciding something more far away from you that the closest cross the thing I do is sending a thought messenger.
I think about the place that I want to go and I wait what feelings the messenger comes back with. Then I try the other one and it also brings a bit of feelings back. It’s fun you can try it with deciding when to pick a date for a meeting or an event. Then you can approximate where you feel most at ease with.
But sometimes with higher stake decision, hardcore fears comes along and that’s where the situation gets tricky. On one side I don’t want fear to steer my decision too much, on the other I don’t want to ignore it. It may be really useful.
It’s almost like when the worry arise, I want to eat it and not to resist it.
Situation:
Imagine you pick an option and you go that route. And all of a sudden you start to look for the dangers on that root. Now the other option may become more sexy just because it’s less fear producing. So you go back to that option. You go that route but then you also start to find out all the scenarios how it could go wrong on the current one.
When thinking about it all the thoughts messengers comes back with: “Anxiety, anxiety, anxiety.”
Now you are stuck at one of the routes surrounded by fear to go either one of those. And the anxiety is slowly building up so even standing itself starts to become anxious itself.
Vuala, and you have a state that I talked about at the start.
Here I am not going to say: “And this is the thing you should do.” I feel that’s a stupid thing to do. What I rather would try to do is to present an option that I used on my walks.
I stop, wait till the strong feelings wash all over me, so I can decide where to go free from the strong feelings. Granted, sometimes you don’t have the comfort of doing so. But we play with a situation that you have.
There are times when it doesn’t help and its getting even worse. The thought messenger are starting to knot at each other. What I did then, was to put the headphones on and played: “Father and Son by Cat Stevens.” Slowly trying to put down the anxiety that surrounds me.
Whatever the thing you’ll do, it seems like it’s great when lifting a bit the heaviness and squishiness of the options. It’s almost like one tries to find the opening to be free to do whatever. What do you think?
The one thing that I really try to listen to, and eat is my fear. Or whatever the emotion that there is, just eat it whole. The way to do it is easy:
Be present.
Whatever route you’ll pick in the end, there is a one thing I’d like to say.
Stand up straight and face it with your head up.
Or not, when you are running and trying to hide. Then don’t do this! It makes sense right?
Jokes inside, eat all of your feelings when deciding.
Take care, decide and enjoy the ride.
Bye,
Luke
I am starting crying listening to the soundtracks from Guardians of the Galaxy. Whoever picked the song for that movie I just want to say: “Thanks, I am touched!”
