Rant: Kids are cute; a spider’s perspective.

Hi, I’m spider Mike, and let me tell you a terrifying story from my hunt today.

I was climbing this fairly slippy surface, with a very little to grab to. It was probably a stainless steel or something. I am not an expert okay?

Next thing you know my four front legs slipped, and I am falling to the bottom of the cube. “Ahh, not again!” it was a 5th time that day, already. “I should have listened to my mom, and be a corner spider.” saying to myself.

I went to find another tall tube to hunt on, and all of a sudden, it got, a bit darker.

When I moved my eyes to see what is creating the shadow, I noticed a round object with a number 25 in the center of it, marching with an incredible speed towards me. My legs rolled under neath me, instinctively, and a thought buzzed through my head: ”This is it, I would end like my grandfather.”

Rolled into a small ball and with fear all over my body, I was waiting. After a small pause, I noticed the light shining again thinking: ”Am I still alive?.” It seems like I was lucky because the object hit a concrete wall with a slight angel creating enough room for me to hide.

“Pfuu, that was close.” Still shocked, I looked at what it was and saw, it was a small human trying to step on me: “Again?!” The bigger human, held his leg and was saying to him something, in a high frequency. I couldn’t understand what, I don’t speak humanish, however I just sensed the vibration all over my body.

“What the frick, you small human?”, I was hoping he was telling him! I was baffled because, I don’t even have a poison: “Why would you do that?!”

I stayed in a curled position, waiting a bit, and they exchanged some vibration again. Then, they both came closer to me, and stared at me. I was thinking to myself: ”Friends? No shoe on my face, please?”

I wasn’t so fast to judge. “Okay, let’s try this,” I stretched my four front legs forward and back really fast, to see their reaction. “Uff no shoe, great!”

The small one seemed like, he lost his interest, and the big one was just staring at me. I felt a bit calmer and at the same time, a bit creepy (I forgot my pants home). I straightened all of my eight legs, and started to walk away slowly.

With a corner of my left side eye, I glanced an ant. “Oh no, I don’t want to battle now.” I haven’t even finished my thought, and I saw that he felt down from a wall. “Haha, dummy dumm, he doesn’t even know how to hold on a concrete boulders,” laughing at his expense. (I have fallen, because of the slippy surface, okay?!)

He continued his journey on the ground like nothing have happened and

BAM!

I, I couldn’t believe my eight eyes, “No warning? No nothing, just a plain step?” staring at the top of the shoe, shell shocked. When he stepped back a terrifying scene unfolded. He was one with the surface like a pancake.

“Those small people are fucking maniacs, I need to get out of here.” and climbing away, like: “I’m not there”.

So listen, next time you would say to me: ”Oh, these small people, are so cute! Bubilybu.” No! Stop it! Remember, they can step on your face at no notice.

Rest in piece my ant enemy.

Oh and don’t even start me on the high pitch ones’. My cousin could talk about it… well, actually, he can’t anymore.

Bye and take care humans

Spider Mike